Digestion

Camilo:
Camilo, I enjoyed how certain phrases and sentences have such a distinct tone and very identifiable connotations. Describing some of Canada’s “cool frozen cities” was particularly amusing. I also liked your explanation of taking the “shortest way—not the fastest, in order to save some gas;” it allowed more of you to get into the piece and it was cool to glimpse your personality. The line about “homeland security” reads innocently, but by your choosing to use comedically such an overused phrase I felt well-developed tension.
Structurally, I enjoyed how the piece began; I felt like I was thrust into an interrogation myself—the questioning was very well portrayed. The third, sixth, and second to last paragraphs seemed a little summary heavy. I was more interested by your personal commentary and experience with the Canadian police officers, who clearly did not know what was up.

The end of the piece left me a little confused. I didn’t totally understand why you weren’t upset or exactly what that had to do with the injustices you encountered—it didn’t follow in that I felt you were very aware of the fact you were mistreated and then all of a sudden you were at peace with it and just happy to be allowed back in to the United States.

Maureen:
Your piece is so familiar! I really enjoyed reading about your experience going from tomboy to high maintenance “popular girl,” not that the two are necessarily mutually exclusive. Your storytelling was engaging and the images of your transformation came across very clearly. Particularly fun to read was the bit about how your classmates received your new look and the overall message that even after you’d had a taste of a different identity, one you weren’t naturally inclined to identify with, you were able to return to yourself and take the feeling of confidence with you.

The phrase, “want to be straight,” in reference to your hair made me laugh! I totally understand that feeling and the fact that you put it in quotations made me wonder who had said it to you in the first place, further adding depth to you as a character in your own piece. The characterizations of your Aunt Oneida and Gladys worked really well to paint the scene; I think you balanced their details with your main focus in a very effective way.

At times, I was confused by changes in tense. It wasn’t frequent and occurred more often at the beginning that anywhere else; it just slowed my reading and stalled the action temporarily.

Marni:
Marni, this was such a treat to read. I didn't know you went to Thailand! It sounds like you probably had your share of adventures. This is a gorgeous story, and you do a great job capturing so many events and emotions so succinctly and simultaneously in such great detail.


I particularly liked your explanation of the buses; the bar details--"the red truck" and the "blue truck station"--are such innocent details and work really well to convey how lost you were in trying to find your way "home" to Lamphun. The story comes full circle in a pure, not cheesy way, and there is serious feeling evoked by your host mother's declaration that the flower is "very beautiful."

The fact that the flowers were bruised only makes the metaphor of your journey that much stronger. I admire how well crafted this piece is and I look forward to reading more of your writing! The only part that I was a little slowed down by was your description of being inside the truck. The image just wasn’t completely clear to me and I was more focused on the orchid.

Emily:
Emily, this was such a fun piece to read! Your prose is so clean and clear; I didn’t get hung up on any details (except in a positive way), and just moved through the story like it was being read to me. It really felt like a story. The last sentence in your first paragraph, “Food and worship, for Jews from a variety of backgrounds in the U.S. and around the world, are inseparable,” was one of my favorites because it read almost like a thesis statement in the way it very effectively explains the point of the piece.

There were also very many endearing details—the worksheets covered in “crayon scribbles and sticky apple juice spills,” capture beautifully your relationship to religious education as a child. I also love the picture you paint of your dad—his loud and off key singing is charming and the Americanized chants of ‘Let my people go!’ made me chuckle. The character sketch is seriously awesome. The line about “ravenous carnivores” was great too because it was clear that you are not one of them and clearly have an opinion on the whole meat-eating deal.

I wanted to know more from the beginning about the irony of your mother, a Catholic woman, making the best matzo balls you’ve ever had—at first I thought the point you were going to make was about how the food your loved ones make always seems to taste better.

Lindsey:
Lindsey, I really like reading your piece, especially the beginning, which I found I could identify with very clearly. The look mothers have when they first identify the “bitch” that lives deep—or sometimes not so deep—within their darling baby girls is definitely one worth fearing. I enjoyed the dialogue you wrote and the way you captured your childhood ferocity. In the same vein, I felt sympathy for your being forced to play these awful instruments you clearly didn’t have any interest in, and a somewhat ironic compassion in that you had the experiences as a young child to identify your mother as a “wicked bitch.”

At one point I was confused though about the timeline—were you seven or in seventh grade? Or has time elapsed? That was really the only place I got hung up on. The details of your misery are (awful and something no child should be subjected to), but also amusing in retrospect—I respect how you’re able to turn such an awful experience into a story that can be told relatively lightheartedly. The line “sobbing myself into delirium” is so wise; I really liked it.

Colin,
Colin King, this girl with the mean mug and curly hair thoroughly enjoyed your LandSea throwback. You did kind of look like the most expensive homeless person ever.

There are so many things about this article that I just adored. You captured Connecticut’s pompous attitude with grace (as much as is possible from a Connecticutian, that is) and accuracy, your snub at all the K kids who identify with Detroit when what they really mean is lilly-white suburbville, and your pacing kept me in it the whole time. As I was reading, I kept noticing the really strong structure—varied sentence length and pseudo-profound commentary like “Lunatics and jocks, it was just like high school,” “Eventually I fell asleep,” and “My heart sank,” made me think, “Yea, that’s Colin!” The piece is so authentically you and the bit about your experience with summer camp depicts you so well for the reader who doesn’t know you, the entire tale benefits.

The only criticism I have (and please be assured I am not attacking Granby specifically, or you and your chickens), is that before you introduce Ryan Douglass and the huge detail that you had geographic ally, it might be clearer if you say that you are from Connecticut. It just makes the news all the more exciting and would make more sense to me as the reader. I wish I could have observed that initial exchange; sounds like you were both clearly on your snarky games. Oh and also, watch the cursing. No one likes a potty mouth.

And sheesh, be nice to our Kentuckian hippie! I think you might also want to consider naming everyone or not naming anyone at all, just for consistency’s sake

Schafer:

Schafer, I wondered where your article was going the whole time and it worked to keep me interested and engaged throughout. I enjoyed your piece; it was fun and I could see you skeptically hitting the show, observing, and then dipping. The inner dialogue did a lot for your article and I just simply enjoyed that you let so much of yourself get into the story.

I love the image of you paying your way out of the law and paying your way into access—it is very New York and I think it is also an image of New York with which almost anyone could identify. I was a bit confused about what you mean by a “wasted opportunity”—in what sense, and what decision had you reached at this point? I think I may have an idea, but nothing I would bet on.

Your “Welcome to New York City” line is so jaded, I just adore it. Also, the image of you traversing the city under the superficial glow of neon, which is what you ultimately wake up to, or have shed light on the “reality” of your situation is a really complicated, cool, place to be.